Ignore me

This one is more of a diary entry than anything that would interest anyone else so please don't feel you need to read or comment!

Needed to have check up at dentist today but for some reason I really didn't want to go. Nothing to do with the dentist herself, or anything involved, just the thought of even leaving the house scared me.
I washed my hair and then cried for half an hour and I have no idea why.
I hate days like this.
We stopped off at a shopping centre after and I managed to go in 2 shops. I even bought some bits in one of them but all I really wanted to do was hide in the car.
Stupid.
I've had days where I knew I couldn't face going out so I've cancelled (just shopping or similar) but because I had no choice this time is that what bought it on? If I'd have forced myself on those days I cancelled would I have had the same reaction?

Why does it always seem to be one step forward and two steps back? I was (still am) so determined to make this year a positive one. I can look back on last year and count the happy memories on both hands. 10 happy memories in a whole year? This year was going to be great and my body goes and has a breakdown? And I don't even know why! Isn't that ridiculous? I mean, it's my body, my thought process, why can't I pinpoint what made me so sad I just couldn't stop crying? Was it just exhaustion? I've barely done a thing in over 2 months, how am I still exhausted?

Just putting this out there - I HATE M.E.!

I really do.
No medication.
No official diagnosis.
No cure.
No life.
Granted there are many far worse illnesses out there but it doesn't mean I can't hate this one. This one's my one. I can do what I like to it.

It has made me more determined to discover the things that make me happy though. I really hope I can.

Again - no-one needs to comment, just needed to get that out of my head
xx