So, I'm doing a budget and for July I went £170 over it...don't ask me what on - I havn't got a clue. I've just worked out Augusts and I was £70 over. That's good right? I mean, I went over, so that's bad...BUT, I cut it down by £100 so that's good yeah?
Urgh.
I'm so bloody tired at the moment I just can't seem to get over it. Normally have a couple of days off and I'm fine (well, as fine as I can be) but I can't stop this. I go out on, say, Friday. I rest for 5 days and take a quick trip to, say, The Range. But my body's reacting like I only went out the day before. In fact, more like I went out that morning. Why does it feel like I'm having a relapse? Am I? I can't stand this. I'm supposed to be starting an A level next week. Me. A qualification in something. An actual proper course with an exam and everything. Thing is, I don't think I'm going to do it. I can't see how I'm going to be able to get up at 8am every wednesday AND cope with homework AND have trips to galleries and such like. I can't stop crying. I can't stand this. I was so excited when I thought I was going to be able to do this a few months back. My tutor from my last class was all 'you can totally do this', the A level tutor looked at my folder from last year and agreed. I didn't want to get excited. I was so scared something like this would happen, I didn't want to look forward to it. I hate loking forward to anything because of these things happening. And I did. And now it sucks. I know it shouldn't be all 'woe is me' but there you go. Worse things happen. Just have to watch the news to know it, but I can't help it. I have my own little bubble of self indulgence and I'm wallowing and I can't see how I'm going to get out.
When I was about 6 I went to the dentist. I was scared stiff. I had to sit on mum's lap just so he could look in my mouth. After he did he looked at me in shock and asked my mum if I was crying. Apparently he'd never known a child that can cry without making any noise. Mum said I was the first child she'd ever known to as well. It's a technique I've perfected, though I wish I hadn't.
I don't know why I typed that.
I've just had a clear out of my room. New furniture, new paint on the walls. Got rid of a bunch of stuff - still have a tonne more to do. How do you do it? How do you decide what to chuck and what's worth keeping? I keep getting attached to things. Stupid things. Mum has to keep telling me it's okay to get rid, it dosn't matter if she bought it for me, if you don't like it then why keep it? I'm a hoarder, this is my problem. Probably shouldn't have started a hobby that involves the oppertunity to buy so much - I'm overflowing with, well, everything. I need to craft. Better to use it then just have it sitting there.
Sorry this was such a depressing post. I need to cheer up. I'll try better next time - I've just started Shimelle's new class - Learn Something New Everyday. It looks good so far - I'll post my pages on here. I need to make this a bit more crafty and a bit less rambling depression.
I hope you're a bit less befuddled than me :o)
xx
